Miley Cyrus made me recognize my body dysmorphia

Miley Cyrus is one of those popstars I never paid that much attention to. Primarily because she hit stardom when I was losing interest in the Disney Channel and traded in boy bands for pop-punk bands. I always felt so much older than her as well, but a quick Google has shown me we're only five years apart.

Miley's sat down with Marie Claire for its September issue and has made headlines for saying that playing Hannah Montana had given her body dysmorphia--along with a countless number of sad stories about growing up in the public eye. Well, sad how unsurprising it all sounded.

But it was the dysmorphia that really stuck out to me. I realise now, at age 27, that I was exactly the same growing up. I had absolutely no idea what I actually looked like when I was looking in the mirror. For...as long as I can remember. At least from puberty.

She says:

"I was told for so long what a girl is supposed to be from being on that show. I was made to look like someone that I wasn't, which probably caused some body dysmorphia because I had been made pretty every day for so long, and then when I wasn't on the show, it was like, Who the fuck am I?"

Naturally starring on one of the most popular TV shows at the time at age 11 is completely surreal, but that feeling is so relatable, even now.

I grew up thinking about how fat I was, pretty much every day. I wish I could remember a day that I wasn't pinching at my stomach or pulling at my thighs. I don't remember even learning what "fat" was, but it's just been a constant my whole life. Thinking about it. Feeling it.


Looking back at old photos, I can honestly say I was never "fat" in society's sense of the word. Even in high school, when I thought I was huge as a SIZE EIGHT, I was completely fine. I was absolutely fine.

(L-R) Me currently with a little belly, me at about 12 or 13 covering up a non-existent one
But it comes from somewhere, doesn't it? It's something that is learned. My family played a huge part in how I felt about myself growing up. Family are funny aren't they? They're always there for you, even if they are the worst things for you at that time.

I grew up as a first-generation American to African and Asian parents in a very closely knit extended family. There wasn't one person who didn't talk to me about my weight. Even family friends from Ghana or the Philippines, people I had never even met before, felt it was appropriate to comment or hand me down some wisdom.

I was completely unrealistic about my body then, and it's something I'm very aware of now.

I grew up thinking I was overweight from age 13 to college, moved to London and lost heaps of weight and then gained it all back. It's just life.

It makes you stronger though, you become resilient, and defiant and just like, EFF YOUR BEAUTY STANDARDS. We all just need to be a little kinder to ourselves, we're still as fragile as we were at 13. It's a lifelong process, and we're all just lucky to get out of it alive.